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Showing posts with label Middleton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Middleton. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

She Called Me James Evert

 

In those days kids were often called by double names.


In Aunt Velva's family there was Jerry Ray, Linda Kay, and Floyd Cecil.


She called me James Evert.


Not James


Not James Ev..er..ett


But James Evert


The sound of her voice speaking my name is oh so clear in my memory.


The sound of her voice was itself a direct connection to our collective heritage.


It was pure Middleton/Morgan, direct from north Alabama, the mountains of Arkansas, and the river bottoms of Indian Territory.


Her voice was as clear and pure as her heart.


I recall many visits to her homes in Bryant and Weleetka. And sleep over's with cousin Cecil.  She made the most delicious fudge and divinity; perfect for a sweet tooth like mine.


Once on a vacation trip to Branson, Missouri in the early 1990's, I met a young newlywed couple in an ice cream parlor. From our conversation, I learned they were from Weleetka, Oklahoma.  When I told them my aunt Velva Bowen lived there, their eyes lit up as they enthusiastically shared their words of respect and adoration for her. In their eyes Velva Bowen played an important role in the daily lives of students of the Weleetka schools through her work in managing the cafeterias. What a proud moment that was for me!


Later in life, after my father Everett, Aunt Velva's younger brother, had passed away, I took mom on a road trip to Weleetka from Bartlesville to visit Aunt Velva and Cecil.  She suggested we go to the one and only local cafe for dinner. The small cafe, in the heart of town along main street, was packed with locals. This was another eye opening experience for me.  It was humbling, yet fun, to see that everyone knew her, welcomed mom and me as her guests, and exhibited such warmth for her.


Yes, she called me James Evert and her voice will always ring true in my memory.  Her life was an inspiration to me.


James Everett Middleton
June 10, 2014

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Mom's Death

My Mother: Lillian Berneice (Childs) Middleton
October 5, 1922 to January 15, 2010

Mom had been in declining health so I knew it was just a matter of time before she would die. But when I went to Bartlesville the first weekend of October, 2009 for her birthday party, I was very surprised to find that she knew who I was. All five of us kids and other family members met at her nursing home, Heritage Villa, in Bartlesville and enjoyed a good feeling of being together as a family.

At first I thought Mom looked so awful and, likely too confused to know who I was. We were in a large room. Mom was in a wheel chair. The foot rests of the chair were pulled up so that her stocking feet partially touched the floor. As everyone was eating ice cream and cake and engaging in lively conversation, Mom began to move her wheel chair with her feet pulling herself along slowly with very tiny steps as she turned it toward the large open doorway to the corridor. I stood by her side, curious about what she was doing and thinking that she was just aimlessly pulling herself along.

To my surprise, she continued into the hallway then turned left down the hall leading past the lounge or TV room toward the lobby. As she progressed down the hall, I thought about how strong she had always been for such a little lady. As a child and teenager, her only means of transportation had been on foot. And in their later years she and Dad walked a four mile walk once or twice a day when the weather permitted. So, this feat of pulling herself along in that wheelchair in spite of her horrific looking physical condition really impressed me and made me question my assumption about her physical health.

When she came to the lounge area, she parked herself beside a nicely upholstered wingback chair. I could tell by her expression and posture that she wanted me to sit in the chair beside her. From our position in the hallway we had an excellent view into the TV lounge, a very lovely well decorated large room with a big fireplace at one end, large open entryways on each side, and lots of comfortable chairs with an assortment of nice tables and lamps. In the room, were a number of residents, some with family members or friends visiting them; each in various states of mental and physical impairment. But most prominent and interesting to me was the big flat screen TV on a wall directly across the room in front of me where a Dallas Cowboys game was being broadcast; the volume barely audible. As we sat there, I only smiled at Mom and touched her hand occasionally, thinking it futile to try to converse due to her confused mental state and the fact the she was no longer wearing the hearing aids that had been her lifeline since about 1962; ten years after she had lost practically all her hearing due to an ear infection which resulted in nerve damage.

Occasionally, a worker would pass by us and stop to greet Mom and me. I assumed this was done as much as a PR gesture as out of sincerity. But after a few more folks had greeted Mom and told me how much they enjoyed her spunk and spirit, I began to take them more sincerely. Finally the most incredible and unexpected thing happened. This very nice and energetic staff lady stopped to say hello to Mom and wished her a happy birthday. Even though Mom could barely speak and her voice had been basically incoherent before, I distinctly heard Mom tell the lady, “this is my only son”. That moment will be one of my most precious memories of Mom for as long as I live. With those few words, she made me realize that I had been wrong to avoid visiting her in these last three years of her life. But it also made my day because I knew that she was able to understand and appreciate the fact that her children cared enough about her to come together to honor her on her 87th birthday.

But still looming in my mind that afternoon was the dread of trying to say goodbye, knowing that she would likely begin begging me to take her home, to get her out of this lockup. Because I was the only child of hers who was not a regular visitor, after all the sisters and family members had gathered around us and one by one began to leave, I was left there with only sister Sandra, the one most dedicated to Mom’s care and personal oversight. She lived nearby and had been Mom’s closest family contact, taking her to church two or three times a week and to lunch on Sunday for several years until Mom became too ill to go out. Eventually, Sandra told Mom that she had to leave. Naturally, Mom began to ask Sandra in a barely intelligible voice to take her home with her. Sandra gently but firmly said no, offered reassurance that she would be back in a few days and walked away.

Now, I was there in the situation and circumstance that I had feared. What would be her reaction when I got up to leave. After all, my wife Judy was waiting for me out in the parking lot and I needed to handle this in the best way possible. To my surprise and to her eternal endearing credit, as I held her hand, stood up, and kissed her forehead; saying “Goodbye Mom, I love you”, she simply looked up at me peacefully with a loving look in her eyes and asked “when will you come back”? “Soon”, I softly replied, “soon”. With that I turned and walked toward the lobby and on out the door where Judy and others were waiting nearby. A strong feeling of emotion and many thoughts rushed through my mind as I left the building. My greatest fear or dread had only been a figment of my imagination. I know that Mom had often made life difficult for Sandra as she left after frequent visits. So why was she so kind and accepting of my leaving? Did she know it would be the last time I would see her?

Three months later, my sisters got the call. Mom was gravely ill and might last only one or two more days. So the three who were within 50 or so miles of Bartlesville came to her side and along with Hospice caregivers began what turned out to be a four or five day ordeal. On Thursday morning, the day before she finally died, the girls called me on my cell phone. I was in my office at work in downtown Houston. The Hospice workers were concerned that Mom continued to hold on, even after the girls had given her the most loving and tender care, letting her know that it was ok, that she had been a wonderful mother and lived a good life; that it was ok to go now. Even Geraldine had called and said goodbye from her home in Seadrift, TX. Now they felt that if only I would say goodbye that perhaps that would allow her to let go of the extremely determined and labored effort by which she continued to doggedly cling to a bare semblance of life.

On the phone with Elaine, I struggled with my thoughts on the subject, knowing that I didn’t believe in that concept of people maintaining life through sheer will in such a condition. But not wanting to add more stress to the highly emotional state they were already in, there in the room with Mom, I agreed. The sounds of Mom’s breathing and efforts to hold on were very unnerving as they held Elaine’s cell phone next to Mom’s ear; an ear into which they had inserted one of her hearing aids. Softly, I told Mom how much I loved her and told her what a great mother she had always been. I refrained from telling her to go.

After another long and tiring day, the sisters finally left for the night to get some rest, pausing to call me with an update. Elaine said that miraculously Mom’s color had returned to a nice pink after having been in various stages of blue with appearances of death. They were awakened around 1:45 by a phone call from Hospice. Mom had died quietly at 1:40 A.M. on Friday, January 15, 2010; the last of Willie and Katie Childs' children to die.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Summer of 1958

I was one of the younger ones of all the Middleton family cousins of my generation. Only cousin Jane Ann Ridenhour, Paula Middleton and sister Elaine were younger than me. Besides, I was a skinny 100 pounds when I turned 11 years old in May, 1958. The rest of the cousins were bigger and older and seemed to be more serious minded, athletic, outdoor hunting and fishing types, or perhaps wiser and tougher than I felt. In addition to those perceived weaknesses in my status, I was the only boy in my household and had to attend church more than the other cousins, because, during that time in my family’s life, Dad, Mom, and the older sisters were seen as more devout Christian people while many of the other relatives, although reverent and church going people, for the most part, seemed to have somewhat more adventurous or worldly qualities than Everett’s family. Generally, our Christian aura was seen as a wonderful thing by my aunts, but to a kid who was not yet very masculine or tough, the expectation of especially good Christian behavior on my part only added to my feelings of inferiority.

When the Ridenhour family visited us in Henryetta, they would tell about all kinds of interesting things they did down in Southeast Oklahoma near a place with an interesting name; Antlers. They talked colorfully about coon hunting, camping and fishing on the Kiamichi River, and working on the farm doing things like chopping firewood, hauling hay, and other chores.

The Ridenhour boys, Butch and Sam, were strong, rugged guys who later played college and semi-pro football. So that summer, when I attended a family reunion at the Ridenhour place with my folks, the idea got to being discussed about me staying for the summer and working with Butch and Sam. It would be a very good experience for me to work hard and earn some money hauling hay with them. I was excited about the idea on that Sunday afternoon as Mom, Dad, and the sisters piled into the family car and headed back to Henryetta, about 120 miles up U.S. Highway 75 through Atoka, Coalgate, Calvin, Wetumka, and Weleetka. That was a pretty long drive in those days in a 1952 Chevrolet Deluxe four door sedan with six or seven passengers and no air conditioner. It was many years later that it occurred to me what a nice feeling it must have been for Mom and the sisters as they traveled back up that scenic highway knowing they were going to enjoy their “first ever” break from the constant nuisance that I must have been.

One of the more prominent things that intrigued me about Aunt Letha’s family was her husband, my Uncle Tom. My first memory of riding in a truck and eating in a truck stop type of cafĂ© goes back to a time when I was about four years old. Uncle Tom was a tall angular man who worked at many independent endeavors. In the time around 1952, he was cutting, gathering, and hauling stone from areas around Henryetta and must have visited or stayed at our house at some point. For whatever reason, he took me for a ride in his truck one night. Dad may have been with us but my memory only has Uncle Tom and me in the truck going into town to a diner on West Main Street in Henryetta. Who knows, maybe it was just a kid’s imagination, but I have always had that image in my head as one of my favorite memories from my very early childhood in Henryetta.

So there I was, probably Memorial Day Weekend, 1958, at the Ridenhour home on a late Sunday afternoon as all the guests had started back to their hometowns somewhere in Oklahoma or North Texas. It was a very scenic place in the countryside with surrounding mountains (Oklahoma hills), timberland, rivers, and creeks, just east of the tiny community of Miller. Miller was located at the intersection of a two gravel roads about 5 miles North of Oklahoma State Highway 3, approximately 10 miles northwest of Antlers. At the intersection known as Miller, there were about four things, one on each corner of the intersection. As I recall, there was a community building on the southwest corner, a general store or some other structure on the northwest corner, a gas station on the northeast corner, and a pasture on the southeast.

The most common memory of the intersection of the two roads is that of sitting in the front seat of a late 1940s model Studebaker pickup between Butch and Sam as we drove west beyond the intersection a few miles to a farm where we hauled hay.

The second and more significant memory of the intersection known as Miller, is that of a Saturday evening when J. Howard Edmondson, made an exciting campaign stop at the community center. A crowd had gathered and waited with anticipation for the arrival of his motorcade. I remember standing there, outdoors, in the crowd that evening and hearing the gubernatorial candidate give a rousing campaign speech from the front step of the community center. I have no recollection of the content of that speech other than the feeling of pledges, promises, and bluster filling the air. The important memory was not the stump speech he made, but was instead his great campaign song, which blared from loudspeakers mounted on the roof of his campaign placarded car as he arrived from the south up that long gravel road in a cloud of rolling dust. And again, when he had completed his routine, the entourage speed off, perhaps in the direction of Moyer to the east, in a scene reminiscent of The Lone Ranger and William Tell’s Overture as the hero rode away in a cloud of dust leaving behind the fading sounds of that campaign song. Somehow, I could never forget the chorus:

E.. D…M O N D…S O N spells Edmondson!
E.. D…M O N D…S O N for meeeee.
Keep our State and Nation strong; Come Along!
And join our victory song,
Edmondson….for meeeee!

Over the years since 1958, various people have observed me curiously as I have belted out this song unexpectedly. I even made up some lyrics to entertain my kids, Jacki and Jon, in 1987 on our way home from a nice family gathering at cousin John Middleton’s home in Russellville, AR…..”M I…DDLE…Ton spells Middleton…and so on.

J. Howard Edmondson’s campaign was successful not only because of his clever song, but due, in part, to the great support from Henryetta Daily Freelance editor, Leland Gorley. The town folk of Henryetta took a lot of pride in Mr. Gorley’s role in the campaign. I don’t recall any of the Freelance editorials or supportive coverage of the campaign. But I do recall a biblical quotation (John 8:32) that always appeared somewhere in the heading area of the newspaper, “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free”. I am still searching for the truth and as of this writing have met with only scant success. I think I am more likely to support a variation of the quote attributed to Aldous Huxley: “Ye shall know the truth and the truth will make you mad”.

That being as it may, my brief stay with the Ridenhour cousins is a time that had a lasting influence on my life. That summer, I experienced a life that was a lot different from what I had known up to that time. The Ridenhours were very independent and self-reliant. I am not real sure what Uncle Tom, Aunt Letha, and Jane Ann did during the day, because I was usually out working with Butch and Sam. But, every morning, we awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking on the wood-burning kitchen stove. Aunt Letha was a hardy and hardworking woman. I recall biscuits and gravy and pancakes. The most unique thing I remember about breakfast is the homemade syrup she made. It appeared translucent and had a nice sweet sugary flavor. I have never tasted it before or since that time but hope to again someday.

Many things were new to me while staying at Aunt Letha’s house that summer. There was the slop-bucket that accumulated scraps of leftover food, grease, and liquids for the hogs. It had an appearance and an odor that was at first sickening yet not all together bad; kind of interesting and apparently great for the hogs that eagerly gobbled it down. Another thing was the outdoor toilet and the notorious catalogs and newspapers that served a critical purpose. And of course the chore of cutting firewood for the cook stove. I got a little introduction to that job but usually just observed as Butch or Sam did the chopping with the axe while telling a story about a friend or relative who had cut off a toe sometime back.

Another memory is when someone came to visit and Aunt Letha killed a couple of chickens for dinner. I had seen this at home as well, but I recall being out in the backyard with Aunt Letha, the smell of the chicken feathers after the chickens had been dipped into boiling hot water and the feel of the feathers that stuck to my fingers as I helped pluck the chickens.

Uncle Tom had a crop of peanuts that summer and I recall him working the field on a tractor at some point. The thing I recall about the Studebaker pickup is that it smoked pretty bad and had a loose rod that rattled a little. One evening, Uncle Tom and Butch pulled the pan and replaced a rod or crankshaft bearing out in the dirt area in front of the house, which set back from the road a ways at the end of a dirt driveway. That kept the old pickup running so we could drive over to the place where we hauled hay for a local rancher or farmer.

Butch must have been about 15 years old at the time and he would always drive the Studebaker back and forth to the places where we hauled hay. Sam was about 13. We used the owner’s red Ford pickup most of the time to haul his hay. I think it was an early 1950s model, probably a ¾ ton pickup. My main job was to sit in the truck and guide it along in low gear (compound) and also help stack bales on the truck. At the barn I would help shuffle the bales around and hand them off to one of the guys or get them on the conveyor up to the loft of a barn. It was very hot and dusty work with hay hooks, stickers, and sharp stobs to deal with. But I learned a lot about the job of hay hauling that summer. I recall the smells of new mown hay and of gasoline from the hand pump on the gasoline drum that was hauled around with the equipment. I saw how the trucks crossed ditches, gullies, and creeks at an angle so as to partially straddle the obstacle to reduce the risk of the hay load toppling off the truck due to a sudden change in the tilt of the bed that could occur if the approach were straight on.

The highlights of the workdays were going to and from home and the hay meadows in the Studebaker. Butch would push that truck as hard as possible and loved sliding through the turns on the gravel roads. One time he miscalculated a little and we ended up running through some bushes and into a ditch off a curve near a creek. The truck wasn’t damaged much but was covered with dirt, branches, and twigs. That was a frightening experience but not one that changed anything about the way we traversed the county roads. Of course neither of us three said a word to Uncle Tom or Aunt Letha about that incident.

Sometimes Butch and Sam would get mad at each other over something like boys age 13 and 15 will do. It made me pretty scared and worried a couple of times when they came to momentary blows. Butch was taller and older but Sam was a solid stocky kid and not about to back down from his older brother.

Once or twice, we met some other guys and went swimming at a place near Miller where there was an outcropping of rock and a pool in the bend of a creek. It was a great place to swim and to jump off into the water. I remember the guys talking about girls and I felt obliged to chime in and tell a made up story about the girls I had been with. The older guys knew I was lying and just laughed at me, but still, I felt like I was just one of the guys that day.

One day, when we didn’t have to work, Sam and I went hunting. His coon dog treed a coon and Sam shot it. I remember how he laughed at me when I saw it in the tree and exclaimed, “Oh look, a raccoon!” He let me know that it was a “coon”, not a raccoon. Again, I was reminded of my lacking in the areas of field and stream.

It was interesting and a little scary to see how the coon dog reacted when the injured coon fell from the tree. But it was soon over and we went home as proud hunters. However, the thrill of the hunt was short-lived. When Aunt Letha found out that Sam had taken me out in the woods with a loaded shotgun, she scolded and punished him saying that Berneice would not want James to be out in such a dangerous situation and no adults with us. One more reminder of my status as a sissy boy.

The evenings at home after working or being out in the woods provided another new experience for me. Aunt Letha has a good supply of rugged cotton pajamas that she made sure we wore. But before bed each night, she would check all of us for ticks. And she usually found some on us. The ticks were really bad down there.

Another thing I experienced on the first day that our family arrived there for that Memorial Day Weekend family reunion was the encounter with a big rattlesnake. Dad and I went along with several other of the guys one morning on some kind of hunting maneuver. As we walked along a utility right-of-way, probably a power line or pipeline corridor, we heard the sound of a rattler. Someone shot it. It was the first time I had seen one right after it had eaten a rabbit or a squirrel. This one had only partially swallowed the thing when it was shot. Of course, that led Dad to recount one of his favorite stories of how his mother heard a rattler outside their house south of Henryetta one night when it was only Dad and Grandma Middleton living at home. Grandma fired her shotgun in the direction of the rattler noise and didn’t hear anymore rattler noise that night. The next morning they found the dead snake in the brush nearby. Dad always told that story with a sound of pride for his mother in his voice and his expressions.

Around Aunt Letha’s house I remember that Jane Ann had a pet squirrel, which she kept, in a cage. Jane Ann and Aunt Letha would be gone at times and I assume it was because Aunt Letha worked and/or was taking care of washing, shopping for groceries, and also picking berries, corn, and other things. Uncle Tom kept bees. He had several hives out along the west side of the driveway. I remember him wearing the netting of a beekeeper and retrieving honeycomb from the hives.

As could be expected, I began to experience a lot of loneliness and homesick feelings after I had been there a couple of weeks. It was a difficult time. So, I wrote a letter to the folks back home pleading for them to come and get me. One of the times I recall not long before my time with the Ridenhours concluded, was a Saturday when one of the older married girls or some other relative came home to visit. Not sure if it might have been Bobbie Jean or Shirley, but the thing I recall is someone arriving in a Cadillac from Texas. That night I got to ride into to Antlers in the backseat of that Cadillac. It was the first time I had ridden in an air-conditioned car and the first time I had seen one with the plastic tubular air-conditioner ducts that ran up the inside of the back window to blow air into the passenger area from behind the backseat. What a treat it was to ride in that car and then to walk around downtown Antlers in some new clothes that Aunt Letha had bought for me.

Soon, on a Friday night, Dad, Geraldine, and Sandra came down to get me and take me back home. I was grateful for the time I had spent with my cousins but very happy that night as we headed north toward Henryetta. On the way home, Geraldine told me about a funny new song she had heard on the radio recently. It was “Splish Splash” by Bobby Darin. The next day, I heard it and thought it was a great song. That is the thing I had missed the most during my time with the Ridenhours; the music.

Geraldine always had the radio on in the living room at home, tuned in to a station that played the day’s popular hits. During those years of the 1950s I heard all the great Rock N’ Roll songs and developed a deep love of and emotional dependency on music of all kinds. I recall Dinah Washington singing “What A Difference A Day Made”, Toni Fisher singing “The Big Hurt”, and Ella Fitzgerald doing “Our Love Is Here To Stay” These were preceded by “The Yellow Rose of Texas” and “Davy Crockett” and intermingled with Little Richard, Buddy Holly, Ricky Nelson, and all the great Elvis songs.

I will never forget my brief visit with the Ridenhours in the summer of 1958. They helped me gain a greater appreciation of my extended family and a rugged way of life I might not have experienced otherwise. They, like all of my relatives whose roots run through Henryetta, Oklahoma, have contributed to the fullness of my life.

Note: The old Ridenhour home place lies, today, just west of the Indian Nation Turnpike that didn’t exist in 1958. Years later, while returning from brother-in-law Glenn Williams’ mother’s funeral near Wister, I drove back to Houston by way of Antlers for the specific purpose of locating Miller and the former Ridenhour home place. I surprised myself by driving right through Antlers, then 7 miles west on highway 3, turned north on what is now a good blacktop road, and drove directly to Miller. What a disappointment to find that the little place is practically non-existent now. The community building was still there but didn’t appear to be in use. No other buildings or businesses were there at what had been an interesting little crossroads. On July 4, 2000, I flew over the area in a Cessna 150 enroute from Independence, Kansas to Houston. I followed the route of the turnpike from Henryetta to Antlers where I circled once, taking a nice look around.